The Mind of a Leader

A couple of years ago my father, Dr. Wayne Perry, published an article in The Journal of Pastoral Care explaining the results of several years of research. Dad is a retired USAF Chaplain, and has a Doctorate of Ministry as well as a PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy (I'm guessing he had to go for a second doctorate just to stay ahead of me). So, he knows a thing or two about the ministry and how people tick. Dad is also responsible for the psychological evaluations for all clergy candidates in the Alabama-West Florida Conference of the United Methodist Church. We know you're crazy if you say you want to be a pastor. The question is whether you are acceptably crazy. Through all of this experience and research Dad discovered that a very large percentage of clergy candidates deal with narcissistic tendencies. They have a MUCH higher than average need for external affirmation. Now, when I say "narcissistic" I am not talking about sitting around staring into a mirror all day. I mean everything revolves around them - their goals, their ideas, their feelings, etc. Everything is filtered through how it involves and impacts them. For instance, Couple X leaves the church and goes to the Church of What's Happening Now down the road. Your "average" pastor, according to this research, will not look at that situation and consider the reason for the couple leaving might be entirely something to do with them - they have friends at the other church, they're looking for a specific program, they're shallow and consumeristic and want to go to the "cool" church, etc. Instead, this pastor will take the couple leaving as a sign that he or she is a failure. Or as personal rejection. Either way, the pastor will always filter the situation personally.

I bring this up because I think Dad's research explains a lot about what is happening in our churches today. I will readily admit, I'm obsessed with church growth and leadership. I'm always wanting to know why Church X grows and Church Y doesn't. Sometimes it's something as simple as location or facilities. But, the vast majority of the time it comes down to leadership. And I don't mean that growing churches must have a dynamic superstar pastor. But they do have to have a pastor who is comfortable in his or her own skin and willing to let the focus be on others. If the leader can only see a situation as it relates to him or her, the church will never grow because that leader will have to control everything. They won't be able to stand seeing a lay leader praised or given credit because they will interpret that as undermining their own leadership. An insecure person with a huge need for external affirmation has an internal "no competition" clause. Anyone seen competing for their glory, attention, status, leadership, etc must be dealt with because they are perceived as a threat. In that pastor's mind, "This church ain't big enough for the two of us." And so, usually subconsciously, they will undermine the leadership of the poor lay leader who has "stolen" the pastor's thunder. The pastor has to lead every meeting, dictate every policy, approve every decision, and if his or her sermons are not praised on a regular basis then he or she will pout and feel unappreciated.

This previous example is a pastor who is trying to do something - institute new programs, new worship services, etc. At the other end of the spectrum we have another large group of pastors who do almost nothing. They try to maintain the status quo. They try not to rock the boat. And, especially in the Methodist system, they stay long enough to use up the "honeymoon" period where they bask in the glow of being the new guy, but when things get tough, or they feel they are in danger of having to show their "true" self they will immediately request a move. This kind of pastor generally moves every 3 or so years. Long enough to be loved, not long enough to risk. Basically, they stay until the goodwill bank is drained and then they move on. They can't handle conflict or any challenge. If anyone challenges their leadership or tries to lead the church in any direction which might cause conflict, the pastor will undermine that person.

With Dad's research showing an overwhelming majority of pastors falling into one of these two categories, it's no wonder our churches aren't growing! On one hand you have a pastor who will never let anything get out of his or her scope of control (which will never grow very far) and on the other hand you have a pastor who will never risk or try anything new out of fear of conflict or failure. Why do we see so many pastors like this? Dad's research makes perfect sense to me. If you are a person with a higher than normal need for external affirmation, being a pastor can seem very appealing. You get to stand up in front of everyone at least once a week and have everyone listen to you. On the way out the door after worship every member is required to pay the exit toll - shake the pastor's hand and tell him or her what a great sermon that was (even if you slept through half of it). At least in the south, pastor is one of the few occupations that still garners automatic respect in the community (though this is becoming less the case). Everywhere you turn it seems you're getting positive strokes. So why do 70% of all clergy end up quitting the ministry? Because things aren't as they appear. No one tells you about living in a fishbowl, of having people analyze and criticize your every move, realizing that trying to get church members to do anything is often like herding cats, of having to be on call 365, 24/7, of having people talk about you but not to you, of being put on a pedestal and never feeling like you can be "real." Those are the things they don't teach you in seminary and certainly aren't apparent to the average idealist in the pew dreaming of being a pastor.

So, what do we do about it? What if you, dear reader, are looking at this blog in horror thinking, "That's my pastor he's talking about!"? What if you're a pastor realizing I'm talking about you?
The first step in any change is to recognize and admit the need for change. Every leader (and here I'm talking to myself as much as anyone) should examine their own need for affirmation and approval. Do I really focus everything on me? Am I comfortable with others getting the glory? Can I allow others to succeed without feeling threatened? Do I always have to be in control? Am I afraid to risk or fail? With some serious self-analysis you'll come to know where you stand on this issue. If your pastor falls in one of these categories, I don't suggest you call him out on it. But encourage him to let others grow. Start looking for ways to let the laity lead and help him to know you'll love him anyway. If you see yourself in this, you might need to consider therapy or talking to a mentor. Find someone who can help you process why you have these issues going on within you. As you process them you will find yourself becoming a more confident and capable leader.

It's not always external circumstances that determine the success of a church. Very often it's internal - in the mind of the leader.