Spare the Rod and Spoil The Child?

I've been amazed recently on the number of children doing things previously only a select few adults would attempt. We've had a 13 year old child climb Mt Everest and a whole slew of under 17 year olds attempt to sail solo around the world. Some made it and some, like the 16 yr old young lady of a couple of weeks ago, did not. I've been wondering what this trend says about our culture of parenting. My initial reaction was, "Who the heck would let their 16 year old kid (son or daughter) go sailing alone around the world with pirates, storms, and other disasters waiting on them?" Those parents have more money than brains. What parent would let their 13 yr old climb Mt Everest when there are (literally) hundreds of bodies littering the slopes from previous attempts? Children do not have the ability to comprehend the risks involved in these endeavors. It's up the parents to be parents.

I don't mind allowing kids to attempt big things. I encourage my sons to try new things all the time. The problem, however, is we're raising a generation of children who don't know how to cope with failure and disappointment. Every child gets a trophy now in youth sports leagues. Teachers are no longer allowed to discipline. Parents tell their children "You can be anything you want when you grow up if you just try hard enough." Baloney. No you can't. With parents treating their children as if sunshine pours from every orifice we're teaching the kids to be egocentric, believing that they are entitled to success. The kids that attempted the outrageous stunts were encouraged to do so by their parents. I don't blame the kids. Teenagers believe they are immortal. Nothing bad can happen to them. They have no concept of risk. And that's developmentally correct (mostly) for them. But now the parents are encouraging that to an unhealthy extreme. The truth is, not every child can grow up to be an NFL star or a doctor or pilot or a millionaire. Not every kid has the natural athletic ability or brains or parents with enough money to do many things. And that's okay. We need to encourage kids to be who they are, not what their parents want them to be. I try to watch what my sons are interested in and nurture that. I'm a sports nut so would I love for one or both of my boys to grow up to play big time college or pro sports? Sure! But it's not my life. God creates every child unique and we need to nurture the way He has gifted each child rather than telling them they can be anything they want. We're over-nurturing children into being spoiled and immature, even into their adult years.

Case in point, last night the new Twilight movie "Eclipse" was released. Yes, I've read the books because I try to keep up with cultural phenomenon whether I like it or not. What I discovered in the pages of these books is the endless ramblings of a immature, moody, emotionally co-dependent, and mostly unlikable, teenage girl (Bella) who seems to think her life is worthless unless some "glittering vampire" (Really? Is Stephanie Myer 8?) or werewolf with perfect hair and abs is coming to her rescue. I noticed on Facebook this morning many ladies posting how "awesome" the movie was. For some of these I know them and, however disgusting I find the Twilight "saga", it's just a guilty escape for them and they don't take it seriously. That's okay. Kind of like "wrestling" (WWF style) for a lot of guys. But the books really are a reflection of our current "me" culture. And this ego-centrism is being nurtured in our children causing a growing number of "Bellas" in real life.

When I baptize a child in the United Methodist Church the entire congregation takes a vow to raise a child in God's ways. While "spare the rod, spoil the child" is not in the Bible as so many believe (it comes from a 1664 poem by Samuel Butler), there are many verses that speak of the importance of leading our children on right paths and giving them proper discipline (e.g. Proverbs 13:24). I don't mean beating our kids and I don't subscribe to the "children are better seen than heard" camp. I don't think we should force our kids to sit quietly and never make a peep while they are at church (though I don't think they should just run wild, either). However, I do think the Church needs to teach our children what being a Christian really means. Jesus never said "you can be anything you want." He (and Paul and others) taught that we can do whatever God empowers us to do. That's a whole different focus. Then we're focusing on God's mission and not our wants. Also, nowhere in the Bible can you find anything about ego-centrism being okay (the songs I want, the worship style I want, the time I want, etc). We're taught to sacrifice self for others. I don't see this being taught to children because, honestly, I don't see it modeled often enough by the parents.

Children need to dream. They need to be kids. I'm not saying turn them into mini-adults. But they also need to be taught that the world does not revolve around them and that life is about serving others, not themselves. Come to think of it, we need to teach some adults that lesson, too. The earlier we teach these lessons the more likely these kids will be to grow up mature and healthy in every area of their lives. In doing this we'll be going against the current grain of culture, which means it won't be popular, but, then again, Jesus never called us to do anything "popular."