What's Love Got To Do With It

            In Matthew 18:20, Jesus says when two or three gather in his name, he is there. This is one of those verses often taken completely out of context. 99% of the time I hear this verse applied to worship, Bible Study, or a small group of some sort. However, Jesus said this in the context of teaching about our interaction with each other. In 18:12-14 Jesus talks about leaving the 99 sheep to go find the one who is lost. In 18:15-17 he speaks of how to correct a fellow believer who goes astray. First, you go one on one. If that doesn’t work, go back with 2 or 3 witnesses. The 2 or 3 witnesses is the legal definition of “proof” in the ancient culture. They didn’t have CSI or forensics at the time. The only way to provide legal proof was through credible eyewitnesses. So, you had to have 2 or 3 verify the same story for that story to be considered credible. In 18:18-19 Jesus says whatever you (plural) accept or prohibit on earth will be accepted in heaven. Finally, he says in 18:20 that when 2 or 3 gather as his followers (not just as churchgoers) that confirms his presence among them. It’s about us telling our story to the world. It’s about us showing the world what it means to follow Jesus. It’s about his followers being witnesses. With 2 or 3 gathered, Jesus’ presence is confirmed. Immediately after this statement is Peter’s question about how many times we should forgive someone. Jesus’ answer? As many times as it takes. No exceptions. Jesus is really making a point about what it means to be his follower.

            In looking at that verse, I began to ask, “What does it look like to gather as Jesus’ followers?” Well, fortunately, Jesus provides the answer. In John 13:34-35 Jesus says, “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” Again, that verse is often taken completely out of context. Taken by itself, it sounds like Christians should just sit around the campfire with our arms around each other singing Kum By Ya (or, maybe, in this context, “They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love” – whatever hippy campfire song makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.). It’s a comfy little picture of everyone loving each other and the world will be drawn to us and our light just like the 1970s Coca-Cola commercial where they sang, “I’d like to teach the world to sing.”

            But, when I look at the context things aren’t quite that simple or sappy. First of all, the phrase catches me off guard because Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount to love our enemies. Even the “pagans” can love those who love them, but we are children of our Father in heaven when we love those who hate us and pray for those who persecute us. Well, I can understand that as a sign of being a Jesus follower. After all, loving those who do bad things to you is very counter-cultural. It would make us stand out. The problem is we can sometimes develop a bit of a martyr complex in loving those we perceive to “hate” us. But, this isn’t what Jesus says. He says the mark of being his disciple is the way we (Christians) love each other. So, there must be more. Jesus said for us to love each other the way he loved his disciples. What did his love for them look like?

            Once again, to find the answer I must examine the surrounding context. Jesus makes this statement in the Upper Room the night before his crucifixion. In 13:1-17, we see Jesus taking the place of the lowliest servant and washing the feet of his disciples; all 12 of them, which makes his next two statements even more poignant. In 13:18-30 Jesus predicts Judas’ betrayal. Jesus had just served and loved on the man he knew would betray him. In 13:36:-38 Jesus predicts Peter’s denial. Again, he had just washed the feet and loved on the man who, just a few short hours later, would three times deny even knowing Jesus, much less being one of his supposed closest friends. After this meal, Jesus prays for these guys he has mentored, taught and lived with for 3 years, yet who will flee when Jesus needs them the most. Jesus will willingly go to the cross and die for them.

            It is in the context of washing their feet, predicting their betrayal and denial, and knowing how they will all desert him that Jesus says we are to love each other as he has loved us and that will be the proof to the world that we are his followers. When I look at that command in its proper context it suddenly becomes very scary. Loving my enemies I can do. I almost feel rewarded for that—like somehow by my paying back evil with good, as Paul says in Romans 12, I can “get back at them.” It’s twisted revenge. Proverbs 25:21-22 says when I fight evil acts with good ones I will “heap burning coals” on the head of my enemy. But this is not what Jesus is talking about. He says to love those closest to me. But, here’s the key, I have to love them even when they disappoint me.

            My enemies can’t really hurt me. I’m not emotionally invested in them. They can physically harm me or cause me suffering in some way, but emotionally I’m free. But those I care about and love most—my friends, my church family, my biological family—can inflict the most damage. I am emotionally invested in them. I’m vulnerable. When they hurt me, it hurts to the core. Our normal human tendency is to lash out. Or withdraw. We either become incredibly vicious and hurtful ourselves (I’m going to hurt you as bad as, or worse than, you hurt me) or we cut them off completely. We hurl insults on Facebook (especially veiled ones), we talk bad behind their back, we try to stir up others against them, we divorce, we go to another church, we quit church, and so on. Any of those are completely wrong and un-Christ-like responses, no matter how “justified” we feel. There’s no excuse for any of them. It becomes a matter of what Jesus says in the Sermon on the Mount where he accuses us of trying to get the speck out of our brother’s eye while ignoring the plank in our own. In our efforts to “get back” at others we ignore the wrong we’re doing.

            I’m sure Jesus was deeply disappointed and hurt by what Judas, Peter, and all the others did to him in his moment of greatest need. I’m sure he was disappointed when they didn’t get the message he was trying to convey or when they allowed their selfishness to guide their thinking. But did he turn his back on them or respond in any of the ways I’ve described above? No. He loved them.

            The honest truth is people are going to hurt you. Those you care about most, intentionally or unintentionally, will hurt you the worst. It’s just a fact. Some of you in my church family have really hurt me. And I’ve hurt some of you. Never intentionally, but I’ve done it. Or if I haven’t, I probably will at some point. I’m not perfect and I have a bad habit of messing up. Jesus says the mark of being his follower is we love each other even when we disappoint each other. We serve each other in spit of our faults and flaws. We forgive each other, no matter how many times it takes. Because, honestly, that’s not the way the world works. We can only do that with God’s help. If you focus on acting like Jesus commands (not suggests) in John 13:34-35 you will show the world what a true Christ-follower looks like. Sometimes people are going to hurt you or disappoint you. Love them anyway. That’s what Christ did for you and, if you’re a Christ-follower there’s no excuse for doing otherwise.

            I want to challenge you right now: If there is someone that has hurt you, forgive them and go make it right, regardless of their response. If there is someone you have resented, go serve them. If there is someone you have hurt or disappointed, go apologize and make amends. Make it your mission to love like Christ.

Make 9/11 More Than A Memory

I am writing at almost the exact moment, 10 years ago, when I first saw the images of the World Trade Center towers burning. Like most of you, it started off as a normal morning. I had gone to the ice rink to play a little pick-up hockey, came home for a work-out and was just about to step into the shower when Renae called for me to come quickly into the den. All she said was, "You need to see the TV. Something has happened." The rest, as they say, is history. I remember clearly the confusion of that day, of trying to be a pastor and minister to all of these hurting people looking for comfort and answers on a day where I didn't know what to do or feel myself. Like many other people that day, I had to suck it up, do my job, and process later.

Now 10 years have passed and I've done a lot of processing. My life is certainly quite different than I ever would have imagined that beautiful September morning. So, today I see pictures with the slogan "Never Forget" and I see lots of posts on Facebook about "Never Forget" and I wonder, "So what?" So what if we remember? Remembering something is useless unless you do something about it. Are we really different than we were before 9/11? Well, sure we have annoying lines at the airports, we live in a state of semi-fear about something similar happening again, we live in a world where war and terror are a way of life. All of that is different. The carefree American life is gone. Our innocence and belief that what we see on the news could never happen here is gone. But, are WE different? George Barna, who lives and breathes statistics and surveys regarding Christianity in America, recently released a survey that said, spiritually, Americans really aren't different at all from pre-9/11.

Barna's findings don't surprise me. People rushed back to church and prayed in the days and weeks following 9/11, but once the initial shock and fear wore off they went back to their previous routines. God and church became less important once it stopped feeling like the world was about to come to an end. All of the churches who forgot denominational lines and came together in unity went back to their closed off fortresses of solitude that we can a church building. People who overlooked gripes and differences, who focused on what was truly important and forgave and loved, returned to their previous petty ways. Am I shocked by this? Not a bit. Read the Bible. The same story is in there. When ancient Israel was threatened the prophets rose up to call people to righteousness, to pray and walk in God's paths. When the threat was imminent, the people listened. But, as soon as life went back to "normal" the people ignored the prophets to their own end and eventual destruction. Since humans have been acting this way for thousands of years I'm not a bit surprised by our country's reaction to the post-9/11 life. But I am saddened by it. You would think we would learn our lesson.

What should we do about 9/11, then? Part of that is up to the individual. But I think, first, we need to stop living in fear. Whatever evil acts the terrorists can think up will never pale in comparison to the love and grace of God. No matter how horrific the event, God will never be overcome. Romans 8 promises that nothing - not life or death or demons or angels or terrorists or acts of war - can separate us from God's love. Paul also reminds us in 2 Timothy that God gives us the power of strength and courage, never a spirit of fear or timidity. If we stop living in fear, if we boldly proclaim God's love and grace, we will make a difference in the world.

To me it's a slap in the face of the brave firefighters, police officers, and military members who have given their lives during the 9/11 event and ever since in the war on terror to simply say, "never forget" and then do nothing about it. When the towers were burning, the elevators were out, and the firefighters had to climb 80 stories of stairs to get to people they didn't say, "Man, that stinks." They did something, even though it was incredibly difficult. This is how God expects us to act. And Jesus modeled that behavior. When it looked like sin and evil would win, when it looked like the human race would be lost forever in its own depravity, God didn't sit up in heaven and say, "That's too bad. I'll never forget my creation." He came to earth  and did something about it through his death and resurrection.

I know it's easy to go about your normal business when the threat is over, but don't say "never forget" and do nothing. If you truly want to honor and remember the sacrifices of those who gave their lives then make a commitment today to love more, forgive more, serve more, pray more, share more, and make a difference in the world around you, just as those who died were trying to do. Let the memory of what happened spur you to greater heights in joining God's work in overcoming evil in the world. When we do that, "never forget" ceases to be hollow, meaningless words we utter once a year and instead becomes a battle cry that pushes us to fulfill the word's of Christ in the Model Prayer - "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."

The Mind of a Leader

A couple of years ago my father, Dr. Wayne Perry, published an article in The Journal of Pastoral Care explaining the results of several years of research. Dad is a retired USAF Chaplain, and has a Doctorate of Ministry as well as a PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy (I'm guessing he had to go for a second doctorate just to stay ahead of me). So, he knows a thing or two about the ministry and how people tick. Dad is also responsible for the psychological evaluations for all clergy candidates in the Alabama-West Florida Conference of the United Methodist Church. We know you're crazy if you say you want to be a pastor. The question is whether you are acceptably crazy. Through all of this experience and research Dad discovered that a very large percentage of clergy candidates deal with narcissistic tendencies. They have a MUCH higher than average need for external affirmation. Now, when I say "narcissistic" I am not talking about sitting around staring into a mirror all day. I mean everything revolves around them - their goals, their ideas, their feelings, etc. Everything is filtered through how it involves and impacts them. For instance, Couple X leaves the church and goes to the Church of What's Happening Now down the road. Your "average" pastor, according to this research, will not look at that situation and consider the reason for the couple leaving might be entirely something to do with them - they have friends at the other church, they're looking for a specific program, they're shallow and consumeristic and want to go to the "cool" church, etc. Instead, this pastor will take the couple leaving as a sign that he or she is a failure. Or as personal rejection. Either way, the pastor will always filter the situation personally.

I bring this up because I think Dad's research explains a lot about what is happening in our churches today. I will readily admit, I'm obsessed with church growth and leadership. I'm always wanting to know why Church X grows and Church Y doesn't. Sometimes it's something as simple as location or facilities. But, the vast majority of the time it comes down to leadership. And I don't mean that growing churches must have a dynamic superstar pastor. But they do have to have a pastor who is comfortable in his or her own skin and willing to let the focus be on others. If the leader can only see a situation as it relates to him or her, the church will never grow because that leader will have to control everything. They won't be able to stand seeing a lay leader praised or given credit because they will interpret that as undermining their own leadership. An insecure person with a huge need for external affirmation has an internal "no competition" clause. Anyone seen competing for their glory, attention, status, leadership, etc must be dealt with because they are perceived as a threat. In that pastor's mind, "This church ain't big enough for the two of us." And so, usually subconsciously, they will undermine the leadership of the poor lay leader who has "stolen" the pastor's thunder. The pastor has to lead every meeting, dictate every policy, approve every decision, and if his or her sermons are not praised on a regular basis then he or she will pout and feel unappreciated.

This previous example is a pastor who is trying to do something - institute new programs, new worship services, etc. At the other end of the spectrum we have another large group of pastors who do almost nothing. They try to maintain the status quo. They try not to rock the boat. And, especially in the Methodist system, they stay long enough to use up the "honeymoon" period where they bask in the glow of being the new guy, but when things get tough, or they feel they are in danger of having to show their "true" self they will immediately request a move. This kind of pastor generally moves every 3 or so years. Long enough to be loved, not long enough to risk. Basically, they stay until the goodwill bank is drained and then they move on. They can't handle conflict or any challenge. If anyone challenges their leadership or tries to lead the church in any direction which might cause conflict, the pastor will undermine that person.

With Dad's research showing an overwhelming majority of pastors falling into one of these two categories, it's no wonder our churches aren't growing! On one hand you have a pastor who will never let anything get out of his or her scope of control (which will never grow very far) and on the other hand you have a pastor who will never risk or try anything new out of fear of conflict or failure. Why do we see so many pastors like this? Dad's research makes perfect sense to me. If you are a person with a higher than normal need for external affirmation, being a pastor can seem very appealing. You get to stand up in front of everyone at least once a week and have everyone listen to you. On the way out the door after worship every member is required to pay the exit toll - shake the pastor's hand and tell him or her what a great sermon that was (even if you slept through half of it). At least in the south, pastor is one of the few occupations that still garners automatic respect in the community (though this is becoming less the case). Everywhere you turn it seems you're getting positive strokes. So why do 70% of all clergy end up quitting the ministry? Because things aren't as they appear. No one tells you about living in a fishbowl, of having people analyze and criticize your every move, realizing that trying to get church members to do anything is often like herding cats, of having to be on call 365, 24/7, of having people talk about you but not to you, of being put on a pedestal and never feeling like you can be "real." Those are the things they don't teach you in seminary and certainly aren't apparent to the average idealist in the pew dreaming of being a pastor.

So, what do we do about it? What if you, dear reader, are looking at this blog in horror thinking, "That's my pastor he's talking about!"? What if you're a pastor realizing I'm talking about you?
The first step in any change is to recognize and admit the need for change. Every leader (and here I'm talking to myself as much as anyone) should examine their own need for affirmation and approval. Do I really focus everything on me? Am I comfortable with others getting the glory? Can I allow others to succeed without feeling threatened? Do I always have to be in control? Am I afraid to risk or fail? With some serious self-analysis you'll come to know where you stand on this issue. If your pastor falls in one of these categories, I don't suggest you call him out on it. But encourage him to let others grow. Start looking for ways to let the laity lead and help him to know you'll love him anyway. If you see yourself in this, you might need to consider therapy or talking to a mentor. Find someone who can help you process why you have these issues going on within you. As you process them you will find yourself becoming a more confident and capable leader.

It's not always external circumstances that determine the success of a church. Very often it's internal - in the mind of the leader.

Why?

As a pastor I am asked one question more than any other: "Why?" And that's a question I am probably least prepard to answer because there never is a good answer. Here recently we've had to ask that question a lot. Just this weekend we've had 90+ people killed by a madman in Norway, a shooting at a car show, and a crazy guy shooting his wife and some of her relatives, plus himself, at his son's 11th birthday party at a skating rink. Then we've had drought all summer, devastating tornadoes in the spring, economic issues, the country going down the toilet, and other various tragic events. This year is the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks and I'm hearing the "why" questions related to that. Hurricane Katrina brought plenty of "Whys?" But it doesn't have to be a "big" event. Even little events in life can cause us to wonder, "Why?"

And it's not like I'm immune from asking the question just because I've spent years studying these issues. I may be educated, but I've still wondered why when one of my closest friends was diagnosed with cancer, when my brother-in-law was killed in a motorcycle accident, when my own son was diagnosed with, and almost died from, diabetes, when Renae and I lost our first child, and when I've had struggles here at the church. None of us are immune from it. I'm going to give you the answer right now to this age old question. Ready? Here it is: there is no answer. There is no purpose to it. Sometimes bad stuff happens because people are evil or stupid and sometimes stuff happens just because we live in a messed up, fallen world. But there's no divine purpose which causes any of this bad stuff to happen. I'm not being morbid or fatalistic when I say that. It's just simple truth.

That answer seems so very difficult for us because we want an answer. We want to know there's some redeeming purpose behind our suffering (or the suffering of others). The most common phrases I hear during times of suffering and struggles are, "God had a plan." or "God has a reason for this." No, he doesn't. Or, if He does, then he is not the totally holy and good Being the Bible presents Him to be because a totally holy and good Being cannot do anything that would cause suffering in others. God does not make moralistic choices for "the greater good." If He is who the Bible says He is (and I happen to believe that He is) then He always makes the right choice, which would never lead to anyone suffering. Some folks try to get around that by saying, "We finite beings simply cannot fathom the plans of the infinite God." While I will Amen that statement all day long, it's still a cop out and avoid the issue of God's character. Either God is completely good and loving, and therefore incapable of causing suffering, or He's not the God we know from the Bible. Take your pick in that scenario. I choose the former, which means I have to look for another answer to "why?" So, if God is incapable of causing suffering, does that mean He's impotent-incapable of preventing suffering? Well, that doesn't match up very well with scripture, either. The Bible says God is all-powerful and all-knowing. God affirms those attributes on several occasions. Well, that leaves us with a dilemma then. If God is all-good, and therefore incapable of causing suffering, and it also all-powerful and all-knowing, meaning He knows about our suffering and has the power to stop it then why does suffering still exist in this world? And that, friends, is what is known in philosophical circles as "theodicy," or "the problem of evil." And affirming those attributes is why most people want to say there must be some reason or plan behind all suffering.

What we can't leave out is that God has given us the ability to choose. Those choices lead to sin, which almost always leads to some form of suffering - either great or small. At least eventually. Then why give us the choice? Because God wants a love relationship with us and love can't truly exist without the possibility of rejecting that love. I know I'm simplifying a very complicated issue, but so many people struggle with this I want to put it where "the goats can get it." There is also "natural evil" - which are tragic events (like tornadoes and hurricanes) that happen simply by living in this world. None of the tornadoes of April 27 set out with malevolent intent. The people that died did not perish from some evil plot of Satan or a divine reason from God. The died because their house just happened to occupy the spot where a very violent column of wind rolled through.

All of this may feel frustrating, like I'm saying life is meaningless, or as Kansas put it, "All we are is dust in the wind." That's not what I'm saying at all. What I am saying is don't look for meaning in the event itself. Don't look for some divine purpose or plan, or some evil plot, behind every tragic thing or struggle in life. If you do, you'll be left empty-handed with more questions and no answers. This leads to frustration and people walking away from God, blaming Him for not revealing His plan without realizing it was never His plan to begin with. Then how do we cope with the tragedies and struggles of life if not from some hidden divine plan behind the event? The answer is Romans 8:28 where Paul writes that God causes all things to work for good for those who love Him. The key is the word "all." It doesn't say some or those things that are small enough for God to handle. It says all. From a national event like 9/11 or Katrina to a personal event like Caleb's diabetes or Kevin's cancer God can bring good from it. But will you look for the good? Again, God allows us to choose (dang it). We can let an event drive us away from God or we can seek the good. Suffering is only meaningless when we ignore Romans 8:28. But, if we choose to look at all events through a Romans 8:28 lens then even the worst events in our lives can be redeemed for God's purpose. That's truly God's plan and desire, but the outcome is up to you.

Guilty Until Innocent

I have to confess up front that I despise tabloids and sensationalistic journalism. For that very reason I ignored the Anthony trial as much as possible. It looked to be another "OJ" trial where the media blew absolutely everything out of proportion and Americans got way too wrapped up in a court case that they won't care two bits about in a month. It became very difficult to ignore the trial a couple of days ago, however, when my entire Facebook feed page and most news pages blew up with the news of Casey Anthony's acquittal. It seemed about 80% of the FB posts I read were expressing outrage over the jury's verdict.

Maybe Casey Anthony is guilty. I don't know. Certainly the "facts" presented by the media painted her in a not so good light. But, I didn't watch 2 seconds of the trial, and even if I had I was not privy to all of the information and evidence that the jury was. For that reason, I trust their verdict. I have heard several jurors come out in the last day or two and say that they really don't believe Casey Anthony is innocent, but at the same time there was not enough evidence to prove her guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. It sounds to me like the jurors did their job very well and maybe the prosecution didn't. Again, that's speculation since I didn't watch the trial.

What astounded me in all of this was that the vast majority of people decided a long time ago, before hardly any evidence was submitted, that Casey Anthony was guilty. Those same people never wavered in their opinion, whether they reviewed evidence or not, and thus expressed outrage at the verdict presented by the jury who had listened to every second of the case and reviewed every piece of evidence.

Quick legal lesson: "Innocent until proven guilty" is not in the US Constitution like so many seem to think. You have the right not to incriminate yourself and you have the right to a trial by jury, but presumption of innocence is not a standard for every legal case. According to the US Supreme Court in 1978 (Taylor v. Kentucky), the presumption of the innocence of a criminal defendant is best described as an assumption of innocence that is indulged in the absence of contrary evidence. It is not considered evidence of the defendant's innocence, and it does not require that a mandatory inference favorable to the defendant be drawn from any facts in evidence. So, there is no requirement that the jury view the defendant with a prejudice towards innocence. In some special cases, the judge may give instructions to the jury to presume innocence if the judge feels the jury might be swayed by extenuating circumstances rather than the facts of the case, but that is not a requirement, nor is it part of every case.

That said, no matter how much we USAmericans tend to harp on and on about "innocent until proven guilty," reality shows we actually follow "guilty until proven innocent and even then we'll feel there was a miscarriage of justice." Can you name me one high profile case where the defendant was acquitted and everyone was happy? Of course not. There's always wailing and gnashing of teeth. Why? Because we want justice for the victim. And I agree with that!

But, even when there is no "victim" we still tend to follow the same mentality. Think of the whole Cam Newton nonsense from the last few months. Alabama fans wailed about how he "got off" and were absolutely convinced he's guilty even with no evidence to the contrary. Auburn fans, on the other hand, largely seemed overly-defensive, almost as if they, too believed Cam was probably guilty but they were going to defend him anyway. The vast majority of sports pundits and fans not associated with either school pretty much chalked him up as guilty. Now, I'm not an Auburn fan, but I'm asking, "Where's the evidence to declare him guilty?" The NCAA did a complete investigation, which may still be going on. I'm not sure. But no evidence has come out to say he's guilty, and certainly the NCAA would've lowered the boom by now had they found anything, yet we declare him guilty anyway.

Again, I understand we want justice. And I understand our legal system is sometimes flawed. We should work to overcome injustice. Jesus was very much an advocate for helping those unable to help themselves, especially when society prevents them from getting a fair shake. Taking Jesus' words of caring for the "least of these" and his love of children, if you truly care about Caylee Anothony, let me encourage you to stop wailing about it on Facebook and actually do something. No child should be victimized. Yet, sadly, it happens all too often. Caylee Anthony, unfortunately, is not a unique situation. According to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System (NCANDS) report to Congress in 2010, almost 5 children die each day from child abuse and neglect with 75% of those being under the age of 4. Reported abuse cases show that 9.3 per 1,000 children experience abuse and neglect in our country. 33% of those are 3 or under and 3/4 of those would be under age 12. This abuse occurs over all races and socioeconomic statuses. In fact, 44% of reported victims were white, 22.3% were African-American, and 20.7% were Hispanic. There were oover 20,000 children in the state of Alabama who experienced some form of reported abuse in 2009.

I put all of that out there to say wailing about "injustice" and saying hateful things about Casey Anthony accomplishes nothing. Even saying how "sad" you are for Caylee accomplishes nothing. If you really want to make a difference, find a way to help all of these other children who are suffering abuse and neglect. Unfortunately, Caylee is beyond our ability to help and God is tending to that precious child now. Let's allow this to be a true Romans 8:28 moment and let God bring something good from Caylee's death by spurring us to help those we still can.

Christians and the 4th of July

I am super patriotic. I love my country and am very proud to be an American. I come from a long line of family members in military service, including my father who is a retired USAF Chaplain and my grandfather who served as a combat medic during WWII. I have ancestors who fought on both sides during the Civil War as well as some who fought in the Revolutionary War. So, I'm as American as it gets.

I felt the need to preface what I'm about to say with that context because, according to many American Christians, I'm going to sound very un-patriotic. I struggle with the role of patriotism in the church. My brother-in-law, Andy, and some of my friends feel very strongly that there should be no vestiges of patriotism in worship at all. It should be all about God. And I understand their point. I also know that Paul tells us in Romans 13 to be good citizens and support our country. But does supporting our country mean we have to wave the Stars and Stripes in worship?

Throughout my life I have seen a variety of worship services around the 4th of July weekend. Almost all of them involve singing patriotic songs like God Bless America, speeches about how this is a Christian nation, prayers for God to bless our country, and talk of how great our country is. The choir will usually sing some patriotic spectacular that will get everyone misty-eyed and goosepimply. It's almost like the majority of people who call themselves "Christians" in the USA view our country as the new Israel - God's "chosen" people - which is far from scriptural truth. In the midst of all of this I wonder "Where is the focus on giving glory to God?" It's not that I'm opposed to overt displays of patriotism. I don't know how many times I've seen it, but at Epcot's American Adventure at Walt Disney World I still get misty eyed every single time at the end of the show during the "Golden Wings" song. But does this belong in worship?

This may come as a shock to many, but God does not care one ounce more for the United States than He does for some unheard of tribe in the Amazon jungle. The only "people" God ever made a direct covenant with was Israel. Christ has said we, as Christians, are now "grafted" into that covenant. But even God's relationship with Israel was not meant to imply He loved them more. He has simply chosen then to be the vehicle for spreading His love and grace to ALL people.

So back to our topic of worship and the 4th of July. Should we celebrate it or not? I don't think we, as church leaders, should ignore it, as some of my colleagues feel, because it's at the front of everyone's mind. In fact, we've been so immersed in the "God and Country" idea that to ignore it would probably leave people confused. I think, instead, we should it as an opportunity to educate. People come in to worship on the Sunday closest to the 4th of July expecting a USA pep rally. Instead, let's acknowledge that we are very grateful to live in a country where we are free to gather and worship God publicly without fear of reprisal. But, then let's have a time of prayer for our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world who do not have that freedom, and yet are choosing to gather and worship God anyway. Let's acknowledge how grateful we are for the freedoms we enjoy in this country, but then focus on the freedom we have in Christ, which is open to all people of all races and nations.

Should the 4th of July be celebrated in worship? I don't think so. We gather to worship God, not the USA, and I think many churches are guilty of making our country their idol, at least on this one Sunday. But, we should also not miss this wonderful opportunity to open the eyes of those who gather to the greater Church around the world.

I am proud to be an American, but I am much, much more grateful for the love, grace, and mercy I have found through Jesus Christ.

Spare the Rod and Spoil The Child?

I've been amazed recently on the number of children doing things previously only a select few adults would attempt. We've had a 13 year old child climb Mt Everest and a whole slew of under 17 year olds attempt to sail solo around the world. Some made it and some, like the 16 yr old young lady of a couple of weeks ago, did not. I've been wondering what this trend says about our culture of parenting. My initial reaction was, "Who the heck would let their 16 year old kid (son or daughter) go sailing alone around the world with pirates, storms, and other disasters waiting on them?" Those parents have more money than brains. What parent would let their 13 yr old climb Mt Everest when there are (literally) hundreds of bodies littering the slopes from previous attempts? Children do not have the ability to comprehend the risks involved in these endeavors. It's up the parents to be parents.

I don't mind allowing kids to attempt big things. I encourage my sons to try new things all the time. The problem, however, is we're raising a generation of children who don't know how to cope with failure and disappointment. Every child gets a trophy now in youth sports leagues. Teachers are no longer allowed to discipline. Parents tell their children "You can be anything you want when you grow up if you just try hard enough." Baloney. No you can't. With parents treating their children as if sunshine pours from every orifice we're teaching the kids to be egocentric, believing that they are entitled to success. The kids that attempted the outrageous stunts were encouraged to do so by their parents. I don't blame the kids. Teenagers believe they are immortal. Nothing bad can happen to them. They have no concept of risk. And that's developmentally correct (mostly) for them. But now the parents are encouraging that to an unhealthy extreme. The truth is, not every child can grow up to be an NFL star or a doctor or pilot or a millionaire. Not every kid has the natural athletic ability or brains or parents with enough money to do many things. And that's okay. We need to encourage kids to be who they are, not what their parents want them to be. I try to watch what my sons are interested in and nurture that. I'm a sports nut so would I love for one or both of my boys to grow up to play big time college or pro sports? Sure! But it's not my life. God creates every child unique and we need to nurture the way He has gifted each child rather than telling them they can be anything they want. We're over-nurturing children into being spoiled and immature, even into their adult years.

Case in point, last night the new Twilight movie "Eclipse" was released. Yes, I've read the books because I try to keep up with cultural phenomenon whether I like it or not. What I discovered in the pages of these books is the endless ramblings of a immature, moody, emotionally co-dependent, and mostly unlikable, teenage girl (Bella) who seems to think her life is worthless unless some "glittering vampire" (Really? Is Stephanie Myer 8?) or werewolf with perfect hair and abs is coming to her rescue. I noticed on Facebook this morning many ladies posting how "awesome" the movie was. For some of these I know them and, however disgusting I find the Twilight "saga", it's just a guilty escape for them and they don't take it seriously. That's okay. Kind of like "wrestling" (WWF style) for a lot of guys. But the books really are a reflection of our current "me" culture. And this ego-centrism is being nurtured in our children causing a growing number of "Bellas" in real life.

When I baptize a child in the United Methodist Church the entire congregation takes a vow to raise a child in God's ways. While "spare the rod, spoil the child" is not in the Bible as so many believe (it comes from a 1664 poem by Samuel Butler), there are many verses that speak of the importance of leading our children on right paths and giving them proper discipline (e.g. Proverbs 13:24). I don't mean beating our kids and I don't subscribe to the "children are better seen than heard" camp. I don't think we should force our kids to sit quietly and never make a peep while they are at church (though I don't think they should just run wild, either). However, I do think the Church needs to teach our children what being a Christian really means. Jesus never said "you can be anything you want." He (and Paul and others) taught that we can do whatever God empowers us to do. That's a whole different focus. Then we're focusing on God's mission and not our wants. Also, nowhere in the Bible can you find anything about ego-centrism being okay (the songs I want, the worship style I want, the time I want, etc). We're taught to sacrifice self for others. I don't see this being taught to children because, honestly, I don't see it modeled often enough by the parents.

Children need to dream. They need to be kids. I'm not saying turn them into mini-adults. But they also need to be taught that the world does not revolve around them and that life is about serving others, not themselves. Come to think of it, we need to teach some adults that lesson, too. The earlier we teach these lessons the more likely these kids will be to grow up mature and healthy in every area of their lives. In doing this we'll be going against the current grain of culture, which means it won't be popular, but, then again, Jesus never called us to do anything "popular."