In Matthew 18:20, Jesus says when two or three gather in his name, he is there. This is one of those verses often taken completely out of context. 99% of the time I hear this verse applied to worship, Bible Study, or a small group of some sort. However, Jesus said this in the context of teaching about our interaction with each other. In 18:12-14 Jesus talks about leaving the 99 sheep to go find the one who is lost. In 18:15-17 he speaks of how to correct a fellow believer who goes astray. First, you go one on one. If that doesn’t work, go back with 2 or 3 witnesses. The 2 or 3 witnesses is the legal definition of “proof” in the ancient culture. They didn’t have CSI or forensics at the time. The only way to provide legal proof was through credible eyewitnesses. So, you had to have 2 or 3 verify the same story for that story to be considered credible. In 18:18-19 Jesus says whatever you (plural) accept or prohibit on earth will be accepted in heaven. Finally, he says in 18:20 that when 2 or 3 gather as his followers (not just as churchgoers) that confirms his presence among them. It’s about us telling our story to the world. It’s about us showing the world what it means to follow Jesus. It’s about his followers being witnesses. With 2 or 3 gathered, Jesus’ presence is confirmed. Immediately after this statement is Peter’s question about how many times we should forgive someone. Jesus’ answer? As many times as it takes. No exceptions. Jesus is really making a point about what it means to be his follower.
In looking at that verse, I began to ask, “What does it look like to gather as Jesus’ followers?” Well, fortunately, Jesus provides the answer. In John 13:34-35 Jesus says, “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” Again, that verse is often taken completely out of context. Taken by itself, it sounds like Christians should just sit around the campfire with our arms around each other singing Kum By Ya (or, maybe, in this context, “They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love” – whatever hippy campfire song makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.). It’s a comfy little picture of everyone loving each other and the world will be drawn to us and our light just like the 1970s Coca-Cola commercial where they sang, “I’d like to teach the world to sing.”
But, when I look at the context things aren’t quite that simple or sappy. First of all, the phrase catches me off guard because Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount to love our enemies. Even the “pagans” can love those who love them, but we are children of our Father in heaven when we love those who hate us and pray for those who persecute us. Well, I can understand that as a sign of being a Jesus follower. After all, loving those who do bad things to you is very counter-cultural. It would make us stand out. The problem is we can sometimes develop a bit of a martyr complex in loving those we perceive to “hate” us. But, this isn’t what Jesus says. He says the mark of being his disciple is the way we (Christians) love each other. So, there must be more. Jesus said for us to love each other the way he loved his disciples. What did his love for them look like?
Once again, to find the answer I must examine the surrounding context. Jesus makes this statement in the Upper Room the night before his crucifixion. In 13:1-17, we see Jesus taking the place of the lowliest servant and washing the feet of his disciples; all 12 of them, which makes his next two statements even more poignant. In 13:18-30 Jesus predicts Judas’ betrayal. Jesus had just served and loved on the man he knew would betray him. In 13:36:-38 Jesus predicts Peter’s denial. Again, he had just washed the feet and loved on the man who, just a few short hours later, would three times deny even knowing Jesus, much less being one of his supposed closest friends. After this meal, Jesus prays for these guys he has mentored, taught and lived with for 3 years, yet who will flee when Jesus needs them the most. Jesus will willingly go to the cross and die for them.
It is in the context of washing their feet, predicting their betrayal and denial, and knowing how they will all desert him that Jesus says we are to love each other as he has loved us and that will be the proof to the world that we are his followers. When I look at that command in its proper context it suddenly becomes very scary. Loving my enemies I can do. I almost feel rewarded for that—like somehow by my paying back evil with good, as Paul says in Romans 12, I can “get back at them.” It’s twisted revenge. Proverbs 25:21-22 says when I fight evil acts with good ones I will “heap burning coals” on the head of my enemy. But this is not what Jesus is talking about. He says to love those closest to me. But, here’s the key, I have to love them even when they disappoint me.
My enemies can’t really hurt me. I’m not emotionally invested in them. They can physically harm me or cause me suffering in some way, but emotionally I’m free. But those I care about and love most—my friends, my church family, my biological family—can inflict the most damage. I am emotionally invested in them. I’m vulnerable. When they hurt me, it hurts to the core. Our normal human tendency is to lash out. Or withdraw. We either become incredibly vicious and hurtful ourselves (I’m going to hurt you as bad as, or worse than, you hurt me) or we cut them off completely. We hurl insults on Facebook (especially veiled ones), we talk bad behind their back, we try to stir up others against them, we divorce, we go to another church, we quit church, and so on. Any of those are completely wrong and un-Christ-like responses, no matter how “justified” we feel. There’s no excuse for any of them. It becomes a matter of what Jesus says in the Sermon on the Mount where he accuses us of trying to get the speck out of our brother’s eye while ignoring the plank in our own. In our efforts to “get back” at others we ignore the wrong we’re doing.
I’m sure Jesus was deeply disappointed and hurt by what Judas, Peter, and all the others did to him in his moment of greatest need. I’m sure he was disappointed when they didn’t get the message he was trying to convey or when they allowed their selfishness to guide their thinking. But did he turn his back on them or respond in any of the ways I’ve described above? No. He loved them.
The honest truth is people are going to hurt you. Those you care about most, intentionally or unintentionally, will hurt you the worst. It’s just a fact. Some of you in my church family have really hurt me. And I’ve hurt some of you. Never intentionally, but I’ve done it. Or if I haven’t, I probably will at some point. I’m not perfect and I have a bad habit of messing up. Jesus says the mark of being his follower is we love each other even when we disappoint each other. We serve each other in spit of our faults and flaws. We forgive each other, no matter how many times it takes. Because, honestly, that’s not the way the world works. We can only do that with God’s help. If you focus on acting like Jesus commands (not suggests) in John 13:34-35 you will show the world what a true Christ-follower looks like. Sometimes people are going to hurt you or disappoint you. Love them anyway. That’s what Christ did for you and, if you’re a Christ-follower there’s no excuse for doing otherwise.
I want to challenge you right now: If there is someone that has hurt you, forgive them and go make it right, regardless of their response. If there is someone you have resented, go serve them. If there is someone you have hurt or disappointed, go apologize and make amends. Make it your mission to love like Christ.
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